Is it Really a Lie?
It’s never about what it’s about
I’ve been doing research on why people lie and have found the studies to be fascinating.
Did you know that in study after study, it was found that most often people will tell a fib to protect someone else?
In children, lying is actually a developmental stage associated with theory of mind. Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, and knowledge — to ourselves and others.
A psychology teacher of mine used to say, “It’s never about what it’s about”. If you find yourself telling fibs on a regular basis, do you know why? Is it fear based? What terrifies you so much that you are afraid to be your authentic self around someone?
Are you trying to look more accomplished, smarter, or sophisticated? For the guys, this has earned the term “mansplaining”. For women it’s been deemed “femsplaining”. It’s okay to not know the answer. Have a conversation about the issue. You might learn something.
If you find your child telling stories with no background in reality, are they trying to please you? Is your body language making them fearful? Are they simply living in their own reality, trying to make sense of life?
