5 Ways to Keep Love Alive
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We’ve all known people who say things like, “Why should I tell her I love her? She already knows that.” Does she? Does he? With 50% of all marriages ending in divorce and 73% of second and third marriages ending the same way, perhaps we should look at least at one of the reasons why.
We get used to each other.
The illusory truth effect is a well-studied and replicated psychological phenomenon that describes the fact that if a falsehood is repeated often enough, people will start to believe it. This has to do with familiarity — it’s easier to process information you’ve comes across previously.
If that illusory effect affects our negative thoughts, then why not our positive one’s? A worthwhile “repeat it until you believe it” sort of life?
Here are a few ways to reinforce the “good” information your brain is getting in regard to your spouse or partner.
1. Compliment each other often — and mean it! Please, thank you, I appreciate you, I am grateful for you — these are all phrases that tell our brain how awesome your other half is when repeated often.
2. Touch each other throughout the day. A kiss on the forehead, a hand held, a pat on the back, frequent hugs — these are a gentle part of intimacy that adds a physical aspect to training our brains.
3. Say I love you at odd and unexpected times. It’s easy at the end of a phone call or when someone walks out the door (although just as important). Random verbalization of love can be even more meaningful as it’s unexpected and uplifting.
4. Do things together. Whether it’s a shared hobby, dinner, or simply hanging out with each other reading books, it’s important to be in physical proximity to share pheromones and work towards a goal together.
5. Ask each other every evening what their favorite part of the day was. This will lead not only to insight of what’s important to your other half but may lead to wonderful conversation (warning — this may keep you up late into the night!).
There are so many things to list and think about. The point is to be present, pay attention, and never forget why you got together in the first place.
Love is a verb. Act on it often and consistently.
